Take me to your leader !!!

If you think that this post is about a sci fi movie such as star trek or star wars or any star related ever made show, movie, spoof, youtube, mini series or theory ,,, then i shall mock you doing this sign

If you are here because you believe that there is life in outer space then i shall mock you some more by saying take me to your leader bleep bloop.

So why am i writing about aliens and stuff ? I dunno i was watching Armageddon for the millionth time the other day and i realized some stuff ,,, why is it always that the united states find out about the aliens/meteor/nature disaster/earth core changes that is going to end all life on earth as we know it ? ... like really ? you are telling me that there are no other scientists/telescopes/weather centers/earthquake centers any place else out there ? so here's your Major story hole ..

Of course then you are stuck with the DRAMA ,,, i mean don't get me wrong i love the drama ,,hell sometimes i go phishing for it ( am bringing the PH instead of F back its gonna b so phresh) but anyways the drama in these movies are always a bit exaggerated ,,, but nothing new ,, your usual hero who dies to save others and your usual a high ranked officer or government personnel who everyone hates and is trying to do a drastic thing that would usually mean the hero dies but the earth lives ,,, and of course the main hero who usually never dies ,,, you might think he dies but in the last 3 mins you find out he lives...

The story line is usually the same no matter what the difference is ,,,, theres always something threatening our beloved little planet and theres is always a team who's trying to save it ,,,, but here's what i think is the million dollar idea (perhaps even more especially if i get a hot shot director to adopt my idea ) ,,, why is it that its always aliens who are trying to invade us .... why aren't we the planet with the top advanced technology and cool gizmos(this is pretty true)  who's planet is running out of suitable living conditions(also true ,, the global warming is happening people....naah am just messing with you tree huggers out there ,, global warming is a myth) ,,, so yeah i was saying why don't they make a movie where humans invade aliens on their sad old tech planets where they still use floppy disks and listen to music on Walkmans ... why don't they make a movie where humans abduct aliens and probe them and insert tracking chips in their brains ,,, i know that you are blown away by my geniusness ,,, i am speechless myself ...

All that being said ,,, i don't think that all life will end on earth by aliens who want to enslave us for no apparent reason or robots who need us as battery no ladies and gentlemen its the geeks and nerds of the human race who are going to bring man kind to its end ,,, i mean you all remember the whole CERN black hole experiment ,,, when scientists want to create a black hole ,,, i dunno why i don't like the sound of it especially if we take in consideration the great Murphy unwritten rule of life "if any thing can go wrong it will"

that being said .... i am off to search who am i going to mock next ...

Even After All

• 
  
  Could it be that the "9rob"  are Aliens walking among us ?
• 
  
  Why is it that people who spot the UFOs always take lousy pix ,, its 2010 we have HD cams Aholes get a better camera.
• 
  
  wouldn't be great if the "9rob" were indeed aliens then they decide to leave our planet and go back to their mother planet ?

MJ Cuisine

Yes ladies I cook *smug look* I must be the ultimate man * smuggier look* . Seriously though I was just in the mood for cooking and I wanted to share these coupla recipes with you ,the nice thing about these recipes that they dont take long time to do and with minimum effort and ingredients. The 1st dish is my signature dish sort of speaking its the steak with the dijon mustard sauce . This dish is simpler than simple yet it gives a great taste all you need is :

• Some steaks ( i preffer to cut the steaks and work with steak strips to cook them with the sauce which adds to the sauce a nice thickness and flavour )
• Whipping cream ( not whipped cream )
• Dijon mustard
• Butter
• Salt & black pepper

Get a nice frying pan thats a little deep or a pot and put it on the stove add around 2 tbspns of butter (use butter as ghee or oil will not give the same taste)

Add the steak and salt and pepper to taste and cook the steak strips till they are cooked to your taste ( but usually steak strips cant be cooked to different temperatures like medium well and rare )

when the steaks are cooked start adding the whipping cream ( usually between 1 and a half cup to 2 cups ) u can choose weather u want the steak to be floating in the sauce or just a little bit i use around 2 cups for 3 whole steaks ,stir for a little while and then add 1 tbspn of dijon mustard and start stirring you will find that the sauce started getting a nice light bronzish color and it will start getting thicker .

at this point you can taste the sauce if you are happy with it then voila you are done if not you can add some more dijon if u feel like you need more powerful flavour or if the whipping cream is too much.

NOW this 2nd dish goes very nicely with the steak we just did or you can do it as a nice side dish with other stuff and as well doesnt need a lot of effort all you need is :

• Potatoes
• 1 large kraft cheddar (blue can)
• Red onion
• Milk
• Butter
• Flour
• Salt and black pepper

you start by boiling the potatoes and grating the cheese (a little MJ tip if you alwayssuffer from the cheese sticking to the grater just put a few olive oil drops on a kleenix and whipe the grater with it ) and cut the onion to nice thin strips. When the potatoes are ready peel them and dice them into thick chips.

bring a pyrex and start laying the potatoes on the floor till its all covered and make sure to salt them to you taste because if you dont salt them now they will be saltless and just add a pinch of black grounded pepper. between the potatoe chips you can add some onion stripes ( don't add much its just to add some flavour and few ones will do the trick).

now you should have something that looks like this or even better ( my kitchen was crowded and my parents were all over

dad : the steak seems burned .

5 mins after

mom : the steak seems uncooked.

once you have the 1st layer down and all the potatoes sliced start making the cheese topping

in a pot over the stove add 2 tbspns of butter and 2 tbspns of flour and start mixing them for 30 seconds or so till its doughy like then add one cup of warm milk and stirr it for a couple of minutes and when its hot enough start adding the cheddar cheese few bits at a time and stir it till theres no cheese lumps and its one creamy thick mixture.

take it off the stove and add just a little on your potatoes in the pyrex and put it aside and start doing another potatoe layer the same way you did the first layer and dont forget the salt and the few onions . when the 2nd layer is finished add the whole of the mixture and cover the top of it.

stick it in the oven on broiler(shwaya) for 5 mins just to give it a nice golden color ,,, it should look like 3 minutes before this ( again the kitchen was crowded )

there you have it two nice dishes that when i did them everyone liked they go great together and if you want to keep the potatoe dish as a side dish and serve the steak with white rice it also works great .

your final dish should look something like this .

Bon apetit

and looking forward to hear your critique

I know you can't resist

A Berserk Day In My Schezio Life

i woke up today feeling titillated i jumped out of my bed and into my sunday best and got into my transformer car trixie as it was a busy day and i had a bunch of stuff on my list. i arrived at my first stop, my 3 in 1 pool had some quirks that needed to be fixed, the waiting line was bottomless but when it was my turn they told me it wont take a jiffy and asked me to wait in the waiting square . in the waiting square i enjoyed a fat free water flavoured smoothie and i met the most delightful french fry ever which was kinda intriguing because every one knows how much tedious the biodegradable cow based potatoes are. we discussed many unearthly stuff and we discovered that we have a friend in common that we both hate in fact i dont remember meeting someone who was fond of the dijon musterd because like all french hooligans monsiure frank dijon was a snob. when my pool was all fixed and fashionable i got back on the road . Damn those wreckless hybrid baby oxens they drive in a very annoying way , i reached to the pinky mall and it was shopping time i needed to get au courant pair of talking jeans and a new grass flippy floppies. shopping was prosperous and prudent . now it was time for lunch and i was meeting my laqueshian friends from planet CX*!1.H , we had some soul food ( soul food = food that is bad for you but makes you feel better ) smoked our pipes and went on our ways . i reached my home and i was jaded i got into my comfy house shorts and got back into my bed half hour late from my waking up time and dozed off into my trippy dreams .

Here's Your Sign

"Yellow"

" Hey ... where u at "

" I am at jarir "

"The book store ? "

"No the casino ... heres ur sign "

"What ??? "

"Never mind... yes am at the book store "

"Why ?? "

"My internet is down and am bored"

Now before you decide that I am douche bag who is trying to brag about being an intellectual persont I'd like to reassure you I am just like you I'd rather wait for the movie but as I said the net is down and am bored. So there I am in the non fiction section and I spot "Depression for Dummies" I know ,,, too many jokes, I mean really how sad is ur life if you need a book to tell you that ? and what would this book say? recomend other books like " No Body Likes YOU" or "Fast,Easy and Clean , Your Guide to a Simple Suicide" (actually proud of coming up with this title and i call shotgun on copyrights). The cherry on the top -in case u decide to buy the book - the book is on sale its like they are saying to you no one is depressed but you so we decided to make it less expensive , I think its cheaper to cross the street and get hit by a car.

When all attempts to find a decent book failed I decided to do what every self respecting man REFUSES to do even if his life depended on it(ladies already got it men proceed to the next sentence) , I decided to ask for help !!! Since am not friends with lots of geeks there was no way out of my net problems but to call the tech support line. I dont know who applies for this kind of job because really you are just going to get shit all day long , everyone is calling to COMPLAIN. After a painful half an hour on the phone ( 10 mins taking my info , 10 mins inquiring about my problem and 10 suggesting complete utter bullshit like re-pluging the modem) I reached the fact that this dude knows jack. Now that's not a big surprise considering that there are lots of incompetent assholes working all over but I decided to write top 10 jobs where these workers can be a real bitch

WAITER :

"Excuse me but I ordered the Cajun Chicken Sandwich not the Cajun Fried Chicken" , How many times have you got your order wrong and everyone had his food so you had to wait and watch them eat or just eat whatever the dumbass brought"

CASHIER :

"Excuse me sir but I gave you a hundred ,,, you got my change wrong" , Cashiers get lost when you do something so complicated like giving him an extra rial so that he would give you back a whole 5 or 10 rials and I have to haggle for 5 mins and bring a calculator just to explain to him what I magically did through the miracle of math.

BANK CUSTOMER SERVICE :

"System is Down please come back tomorrow" , Most bank employees are bitchy for no reason and out of my humble experince 90 % of the time the system is not down or anything but u pressed the wrong buttons now if that is the case don't get all worked up and start yelling at the banker dude - in a bank theres always a guy who is yelling am sure you've done it before- so dont be that guy !!

PLUMBER / ELECTRICIAN :

"What do you mean it was an accident? " I remember a couple of times when an electrician came to fix the AC and the whole house ended up with no electircity.

TAILOR :

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THOSE DIESEL JEANS COST !!!" dont you hate it when you buy a new pair of jeans and they need shortening and the place you bought them from don't have a private tailor even though they charge you between 800 - 2000 SR for one pair . The funny thing your tailor will probably say something stupid like "relax i will pay you back ... how much ? 50 rials ? a hundred ? "

SALES MEN/WOMEN :

"sorry we closed for prayer " even though there isnt any prayer in the next 20 mins and we will leave it at that.

quoted by a lady friend LINGERIE SALESMEN :

" No no no noway you are 34 C you need a bigger/smaller size " , I understand what women feel like when a guy who probably never had an interaction with a woman his whole life before working in that shop tries to come and tell you he knows your body better than you ,,, if am shopping for boxers and the dude approaches me and goes ur wee wee needs a bigger boxer hed probably get punched.

BARBERS :

"umm my hair is not even like I wanted it to be " "even shmeven thats whats hip these days " I dont want my hair styled or gelled or spiked i just want it cut ... and guys please if the haircut has a name (mawhawk, spikey etc etc ) dont do it .

PILOTS :

" Ladies and Gentlemen we are expecting some technical difficulties but we should be up in the air in no time " , If God forbid I ended up on a stranded island like lost ( LOST final episode : epic fail ) the pilot is the 1st to die btw ( little tip if you are flying over main land the rear of the plane is the strongest and safest place if you are flying over water the rear sinks first)

DOCTORS :

"so you were supposed to take out his appendix but you took out one of his kidneys ??? but he went in for an eye surgery doc!! " all jokes aside many people have suffered from medical mistakes so if you are a doctor please please please just double check.

EVEN AFTER ALL

• The only difference between stupidity and intellegence is that stupidity has its limits.

• A stand up comedian wanted to give stupid people signs that has the word stupid written on them so that when they approach you , you know what to expect. I am pro the signs.

• If you can't beat them , join them ,,, heres your sign !

Fairouz

To Ghudai, Osama and Marwan Al-Rahbani i say SHAME ON YOU.... am super amazed by what these 3 brothers are doing with the great heritage that their dad and uncle have left. (Asi & Mansour al-rahbani) aka Al-Rahbani brothers wouldn't approve of this and they wouldn't have signed all their masterpieces as the Rahbani BROTHERS if they felt like each had his own share of it. Taking Fairouz to court and banning her from singing by warning the theaters and concert managers that they don't have the approval of the Rahbani sons is an outrage. May I remind you that you might have inherited the copyrights but make sure that everyone has inherited Fairouz , Fairouz will live forever through her music and forever she will live in our hearts and this is not the way you treat a lady of this status. Whats even more outrageous and shameful for you Rahbani sons is that many others like the sons of Mohammed Abdulwahab who also inherited copyrights didn't stirr the problems you did and knew that this kind of graceful art belongs to the people before any one else. Another shameful act of the Rahbani sons to actually ignore others who are doing concerts and songs that are also produced by the Rahbani brothers (such as wadie alsafi and melhm barakat) and pursue Fairouz only with their ridiculous law suits. Fairouz is bigger than this and just to annoy the Rahbani sons am gonna go and buy all of her CDs today and rush back all my childhood memories to when my dad used to drop me at my school in the morning on the angelic sound of Fairouz. Fairouz we love you and we can't wait to see you victorious.

Equally Different

A friend of mine was telling me how much she hated the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus (don't ask how we got there) and how she felt patronized by the fact that the writer stereotypes all women and how it talks about men and women different ways to tackle life issues and how she felt like it wasn't true. Now i haven't read that book nor will I anytime soon, and I'd like to start by saying that i believe men and women are EQUAL BUT DIFFERENT (hold on don't call me a sexist yet) and when i say equal I mean they both deserve the same opportunities and chances in life and they shouldnt be dealt with as inferior beings but as equals (however if a certain society has double standards favouring men over women doesnt mean i can't enjoy the perks) for those who just went "aah I knw it he IS a sexist!!" I simply mean i wont stop driving just coz you can't so don't read too much into it mkaay.


Physically speaking the differences are very obvious (Shape, size, weight) and only an idiot will argue with that. Usually (yes usually but not always) men have stronger body built, thicker skin, and they bruise less easily then women (don't ask me how studies have concluded that but hopefully no women were injured). Men also have thicker and stronger skulls (yes ladies, men are "thick headed" but am sure you already know). Women prepare to LOVE ME, because i don't know if you are aware of this but studies have showed that women have 4 times as many brain cells -neurons- connecting the right and left hemispheres of the brain. This provieds physical evidence that supports the observation that men rely easily and more heavily on their left brain to solve one problem one step at a time. Women have more efficient access to both sides of their brain and therefore greater use of their right brain. I.E women multitask better and can handle and process and discuss more than one thing at the same time (which explains why mom is always mad at me for not doing all the things she "asked " me to do but hey technically it's not my fault).



Psychologically speaking am sure there are huge differences regarding thinking, dealing with day to day issues, sensitivity, and all sorts of stuff and there are studies to prove that plus the fact that i saw it myself (and my word is good enough). When a group of men work together there's a certain hierarchy, there's always somebody who steps up to lead and sometimes things get competitive. Women how ever don't believe in that they work in a co-equal environment and depend on collective effort (in college the women were devided into groups ,each group had a leader and a bunch of CO-LEADERS to help keep things runing smoothly, the men groups had a leader and a SUB-LEADER). Now here's what really fascinated me a recent Canadian study (yes canadians actually do stuff) showed that when asked to do certain tasks men and women use their brains differently to accomplish the same task in the same manner.



One LAST point coz i dont want to rant on and on about the studies but i have to mention this because lately I've been hearing the phrase "men think with their penises instead of their brains" A LOT. Guess what men are sexually aroused by what they can see while women are aroused by what their brain can relate to. That means when a mans sexo-meter spots a hot woman (tall, large breasts, thin legs blond, tanned whatever floats his boat...) they are sexually attracted but women are less vision-ly turned on and a man must do something to impress her first. This will probably explain why men love going to strip clubs while more women will prefer reading romance novels. This is just because men are constantly searching for visual stimulation while women are searching for mental arousal. Technically speaking it's not mens fault that they are -like cats- attracted to shiny objects.

Even After All

• Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Gay men however moved to Uranus (for obvious reasons)

• They say in order to impress a woman you have to be her lover, her brother (metaphorically speaking you can't be her lover and brother at the same time for even more obvious reasons), her confidant, her shopping buddy, her gossip buddy, the one who listens to her when she needs a listenr, her rock, a shoulder to cry on, her soul mate.

• In order to impress a man .... wear a see through blouse.

Lie of Omission

click to enlarge :D

Nouvelle Vague - Let me go

no comment

... 4.18 am and i couldnt sleep so i came up wth this brilliant idea (and all the great ideas come at 4 in the morning ) i wanna start bloggin' ... but after a while i realized tht i have nothing important or wisdomatic to share with the hundreds of thousands of ppl who r going to read this ,,, in fact ,, my whole life i am trying to figure out new ways to chill and how to maximize the mellowness n my practical life ,,, in order to prove to u how chilly s my life today my big dilemma was to watch the book of eli or sherlock holmes ... i gotta tell u tht sherlock holmes movie is gd i actually enjoyed it even though am not big on both jude law and robert downey Jr, but god bless tht rachel mcadams shes hot !! .... anyways i dunno where did this sudden boredom come from maybe bcoz the world cup is not on any more ,, it used to fill my blank time and it came with all sorts of amazing fatwas from " women are not allowed to watch it bcoz the men are wearing shorts " to tht cute shaikh who decided to tell the guys who asked him about playing football ,,, god bless him he gave some amazing excellent points about how they should change coupla things sort of a "lets muslimazie the game " and play the game in 3 thirds instead of 2 halves jst to not follow their lead as if the FIFAs hidden agenda was to ,,, u knw what ,,, nvm tht ,,, i am feeling sleepy already ...