I know you can't resist

A Berserk Day In My Schezio Life

i woke up today feeling titillated i jumped out of my bed and into my sunday best and got into my transformer car trixie as it was a busy day and i had a bunch of stuff on my list. i arrived at my first stop, my 3 in 1 pool had some quirks that needed to be fixed, the waiting line was bottomless but when it was my turn they told me it wont take a jiffy and asked me to wait in the waiting square . in the waiting square i enjoyed a fat free water flavoured smoothie and i met the most delightful french fry ever which was kinda intriguing because every one knows how much tedious the biodegradable cow based potatoes are. we discussed many unearthly stuff and we discovered that we have a friend in common that we both hate in fact i dont remember meeting someone who was fond of the dijon musterd because like all french hooligans monsiure frank dijon was a snob. when my pool was all fixed and fashionable i got back on the road . Damn those wreckless hybrid baby oxens they drive in a very annoying way , i reached to the pinky mall and it was shopping time i needed to get au courant pair of talking jeans and a new grass flippy floppies. shopping was prosperous and prudent . now it was time for lunch and i was meeting my laqueshian friends from planet CX*!1.H , we had some soul food ( soul food = food that is bad for you but makes you feel better ) smoked our pipes and went on our ways . i reached my home and i was jaded i got into my comfy house shorts and got back into my bed half hour late from my waking up time and dozed off into my trippy dreams .

Here's Your Sign

"Yellow"

" Hey ... where u at "

" I am at jarir "

"The book store ? "

"No the casino ... heres ur sign "

"What ??? "

"Never mind... yes am at the book store "

"Why ?? "

"My internet is down and am bored"

Now before you decide that I am douche bag who is trying to brag about being an intellectual persont I'd like to reassure you I am just like you I'd rather wait for the movie but as I said the net is down and am bored. So there I am in the non fiction section and I spot "Depression for Dummies" I know ,,, too many jokes, I mean really how sad is ur life if you need a book to tell you that ? and what would this book say? recomend other books like " No Body Likes YOU" or "Fast,Easy and Clean , Your Guide to a Simple Suicide" (actually proud of coming up with this title and i call shotgun on copyrights). The cherry on the top -in case u decide to buy the book - the book is on sale its like they are saying to you no one is depressed but you so we decided to make it less expensive , I think its cheaper to cross the street and get hit by a car.

When all attempts to find a decent book failed I decided to do what every self respecting man REFUSES to do even if his life depended on it(ladies already got it men proceed to the next sentence) , I decided to ask for help !!! Since am not friends with lots of geeks there was no way out of my net problems but to call the tech support line. I dont know who applies for this kind of job because really you are just going to get shit all day long , everyone is calling to COMPLAIN. After a painful half an hour on the phone ( 10 mins taking my info , 10 mins inquiring about my problem and 10 suggesting complete utter bullshit like re-pluging the modem) I reached the fact that this dude knows jack. Now that's not a big surprise considering that there are lots of incompetent assholes working all over but I decided to write top 10 jobs where these workers can be a real bitch

WAITER :

"Excuse me but I ordered the Cajun Chicken Sandwich not the Cajun Fried Chicken" , How many times have you got your order wrong and everyone had his food so you had to wait and watch them eat or just eat whatever the dumbass brought"

CASHIER :

"Excuse me sir but I gave you a hundred ,,, you got my change wrong" , Cashiers get lost when you do something so complicated like giving him an extra rial so that he would give you back a whole 5 or 10 rials and I have to haggle for 5 mins and bring a calculator just to explain to him what I magically did through the miracle of math.

BANK CUSTOMER SERVICE :

"System is Down please come back tomorrow" , Most bank employees are bitchy for no reason and out of my humble experince 90 % of the time the system is not down or anything but u pressed the wrong buttons now if that is the case don't get all worked up and start yelling at the banker dude - in a bank theres always a guy who is yelling am sure you've done it before- so dont be that guy !!

PLUMBER / ELECTRICIAN :

"What do you mean it was an accident? " I remember a couple of times when an electrician came to fix the AC and the whole house ended up with no electircity.

TAILOR :

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THOSE DIESEL JEANS COST !!!" dont you hate it when you buy a new pair of jeans and they need shortening and the place you bought them from don't have a private tailor even though they charge you between 800 - 2000 SR for one pair . The funny thing your tailor will probably say something stupid like "relax i will pay you back ... how much ? 50 rials ? a hundred ? "

SALES MEN/WOMEN :

"sorry we closed for prayer " even though there isnt any prayer in the next 20 mins and we will leave it at that.

quoted by a lady friend LINGERIE SALESMEN :

" No no no noway you are 34 C you need a bigger/smaller size " , I understand what women feel like when a guy who probably never had an interaction with a woman his whole life before working in that shop tries to come and tell you he knows your body better than you ,,, if am shopping for boxers and the dude approaches me and goes ur wee wee needs a bigger boxer hed probably get punched.

BARBERS :

"umm my hair is not even like I wanted it to be " "even shmeven thats whats hip these days " I dont want my hair styled or gelled or spiked i just want it cut ... and guys please if the haircut has a name (mawhawk, spikey etc etc ) dont do it .

PILOTS :

" Ladies and Gentlemen we are expecting some technical difficulties but we should be up in the air in no time " , If God forbid I ended up on a stranded island like lost ( LOST final episode : epic fail ) the pilot is the 1st to die btw ( little tip if you are flying over main land the rear of the plane is the strongest and safest place if you are flying over water the rear sinks first)

DOCTORS :

"so you were supposed to take out his appendix but you took out one of his kidneys ??? but he went in for an eye surgery doc!! " all jokes aside many people have suffered from medical mistakes so if you are a doctor please please please just double check.

EVEN AFTER ALL

• The only difference between stupidity and intellegence is that stupidity has its limits.

• A stand up comedian wanted to give stupid people signs that has the word stupid written on them so that when they approach you , you know what to expect. I am pro the signs.

• If you can't beat them , join them ,,, heres your sign !